I’ll tee this up with “For What It’s Worth” by Buffalo Springfield...
“There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear”
A new paradigm shift is upon us as Men, further pulling and calling us forward out of how we were brought up and how our parents were raised.
If you know what I’m talking about - great. You’ve already been “doing the work” to stop the cycle and have been uncovering some pretty deep, heavy truths about yourself (Oh did I mention I have a container of Men just like that here?)
If not - even better. Keep reading.
Maybe you haven’t really taken a close work as to what’s been going on around you. I get it, life is busy and often times all we are trying to do is make it through the day, to the next one, to the next one ...etc.
Maybe you’ve had hints of what I’m talking about, but have chosen to ignore it. Perhaps out of fear of the unknown, fear of participating, or fear of your partner leaving you.
Maybe you associate this with a “bunch of woo woo shit” where this is only for people who talk about their insane journey’s on “medicines” in Bali and Burning Man. Or for people who constantly talk about having visions, being an empath, having out-of-body experiences, talk to their Soul/Higher-Self - you get the picture.
Maybe you don’t see how this new shift can impact you (I think it’s “affect” but I’m never certain) and breathe new life into your...well, life.
I’ll start it off with two things:
This “New Way” is completely outside of the “woo woo” shit you may be thinking about. I’ll argue (with grace) that both are very interconnected and complement one another b-e-a-utifully, but that’s not the point of this post or this process.
The can and does cultivate a new awareness around you - and positively impacts how you show up in your everyday life - as a Man, as a son, as a partner, as a friend, as a boss, as an employee, as a person.
So, what is this “shift” that sounds like I’m keeping a secret?
In all honesty, it’s nothing special. It’s no insane ritual or complicated thing you need to immerse yourself in.
At the same time, it’s hard to put into words as this shift is unique for each individual - but for Men the end result is the same: Living your life rooted in self-love and authenticity to deeper connect with yourself and other people, with who you are as a Man, and fight for your purpose.
It sounds simple and there’s a lot to unpack here, but the main “theme” so to speak is Connection:
With your community
With your purpose.
First off, the whole idea of “who you are” is, and always will be, a bullshit question that is impossible to answer. Sure - you have your values and ideals, and can measure how well you stick to them over time to get an idea of “who you are.” But it’s a question asked to solely satisfy the Ego. Wanting a concrete sentence or two of “Yes, this is who I am!” does not answer the bigger picture.
The bigger picture is being so tied with yourself as Man - understanding everything about yourself - your wounds, your traumas, your patterns, your past that “seeps” into everyday life.
Take, for example, the self-sabotager. I’m sure we’ve all either run into this or had lived persona at one point in our lives. When things are going so, so well in your life that you end up completely fucking it up. Either a job promotion, meeting a terrific girl, finally starting to see some progress with your weight loss goals - I could go on.
And while there are many different examples of self-sabotaging that I’m not going to get into, it all roots down to one thing:
A past wound or trauma that overrides you and brings you back down to how you’re “used” to operating. Instead of moving and continuing on the path, you revert back down to where it’s safe - even if you know the new path is what you want.
Imagine being free and clear of the past shit in your life, of the past heaviness and the past stories that you can actually fully embody the life you want to live - effing awesome right?
This new paradigm of “Manning Up” into our emotions enables us to explore an entirely new side of ourselves. We get to see and honor ourselves for how we are feeling vs operating in the old paradigm of “Men don’t feel our feelings.”
And I know that paradigm doesn’t work since I tried that for almost 27 years - being so so afraid of sharing what was on my mind, on my heart, that it hindered every relationship I had and had me hurt some amazing women along the way.
It wasn’t until I expressed my emotions that I became more comfortable with sitting in them, with holding space for other people to express the same and help them explore what it may be telling them.
It allowed me to hold more space and respect for myself by staying true to who I am and having concrete, strong, healthy boundaries.
And with that, came freedom. Freedom to express what was on my mind and heart without worry or judgement, since I knew it was true and valid for me and didn’t need validation from someone else.
Also - Men looking to enter a relationship or wondering why they’re current one is floundering…
Not to say I’m speaking for all women...well here I go anyway (angry [or hopefully positive] comments can be guided towards my instagram @cambigelow_)
Women today want a man who is crystal clear on his intentions, his purpose, his life, and his boundaries (as someone who used to bend-over backwards for any type of love or intimacy, trust me when I say that that didn’t work). She wants to feel safe and supported for fully expressing her emotions and surrendering into her Feminine.
….She can’t do that if you yourself don’t even how to safely express your own emotions.
So Men - not only feel your feelings but take actionable steps to understand how to control them and release any past stories and wounds.
Of course, I hope I don’t need to say this, but it goes well above and beyond of either keeping or landing a partner.
It opens you up to deep male bonds that’s beyond the surface layer we were accustomed to -
Typical either in the locker room or over a beer.
Throwing away the idea of “stoicism” in favor of collaboration and connection - since doing it the old “manly” way of by yourself is not only outdated, it’s unheedingly hard and lonely. There is no honor in saying “I did this all by myself” since a) you didn’t and b) it could have been THAT much better if you had other true Brothers that wanted nothing more than to see you heatedly succeed.
Taking a step further - having a deeper, intimate connection with yourself allows you to also fight for your purpose. Think about it - you can’t whole-heartedly fight for you want you want if you have no idea what you want in the first place.
It’s a basic question of how do we, as men, sit and receive. We are so used to going, doing, accomplishing, and executing we forget what the hell are we actually fighting for.
This “New Way to Man Up” boils down to taking full ownership of everything in your life, honoring your emotions and boundaries, and fully committing to your purpose.
So men, it’s time to usher in this new way of experiencing the world around you, and I would love to see you in my free group of men here.
Or work more closely with you in my program here.